Engineering Definitions

With Thanks to Gary Hinson and Michael Gerdes who found this on the web and extended it …

  1. Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
  2. Construction manager is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
  3. Controls manager is one who asks if the baby is in the budget (and if it saves money to adopt).
  4. Project Engineer is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
  5. Instrument engineer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
  6. Process Engineers are the ones who think at eight months into the pregnancy that the baby’s sex is wrong.
  7. Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
  8. Structural Engineering is still figuring out how to produce a baby.
  9. Procurement buys condoms by mistake.
  10. Planning Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.
  11. Doc Control Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.
  12. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
  13. Piping Designers don’t care…they just want the woman!!
  14. Security Manager is a person that creates a policy requiring appropriate firewall, anti-virus and IDS controls be implemented prior to any new procreation process being initiated in the company.
  15. Incident Response Manager is a person that has a highly-trained team of security experts ready to respond to the obvious failure in the Intrusion Prevention System when the baby is discovered.
  16. DR/BCP Manager is a person who has another man and woman ready at a site at least 100 Km away in case some natural disaster interrupts the primary couple’s baby-making process.
  17. Helpdesk Manager is a person who, after ensuring the call was redirected at least three times and the couple put on hold for at least a fortnight, finally allows the call to be escalated to him/her and suggests the couple stop lovemaking as they obviously did not follow the instructions which clearly told them how to avoid creating a baby in the first place. He/she also notes that since the baby is now over two weeks old, it is out of warranty and cannot be returned.

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Security Evangelist