13Oct/06
Engineering Definitions
With Thanks to Gary Hinson and Michael Gerdes who found this on the web and extended it ...
- Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
- Construction manager is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
- Controls manager is one who asks if the baby is in the budget (and if it saves money to adopt).
- Project Engineer is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
- Instrument engineer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
- Process Engineers are the ones who think at eight months into the pregnancy that the baby's sex is wrong.
- Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
- Structural Engineering is still figuring out how to produce a baby.
- Procurement buys condoms by mistake.
- Planning Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
- Doc Control Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
- Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
- Piping Designers don't care...they just want the woman!!
- Security Manager is a person that creates a policy requiring appropriate firewall, anti-virus and IDS controls be implemented prior to any new procreation process being initiated in the company.
- Incident Response Manager is a person that has a highly-trained team of security experts ready to respond to the obvious failure in the Intrusion Prevention System when the baby is discovered.
- DR/BCP Manager is a person who has another man and woman ready at a site at least 100 Km away in case some natural disaster interrupts the primary couple's baby-making process.
- Helpdesk Manager is a person who, after ensuring the call was redirected at least three times and the couple put on hold for at least a fortnight, finally allows the call to be escalated to him/her and suggests the couple stop lovemaking as they obviously did not follow the instructions which clearly told them how to avoid creating a baby in the first place. He/she also notes that since the baby is now over two weeks old, it is out of warranty and cannot be returned.
